Quotes From Girly |
Everyone, please use this to remember all the joy and humor Ben brought into our lives. No could have asked for a better friend than Ben and he will truly be missed.
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. -Mark Twain
Find peace Ben, you will always be in our thoughts.
All started in June 2002... Last updated Jan. 17, 2005
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1745. Oh God! It's wet and dirty!
1744. You're in my sleeping quarters.
1743. You're ass is where my head should be.
1742. I should have stayed at Susan's...I wouldn't be getting molested.
1741. There's more of that wet stuff that smells like dog back here.
1739. That's where my head goes.
1738. Oh God! It's in my mouth!
1737. He's blindly whipping his towel at me!
1736. Put your head where it belongs!
1735. I lost my plow that's sharp.
1734. You're rolling on top of me!
1732. Hey! A hooker! Oh, I missed the hooker.
1731. A black person could not afford a car that nice.
1730. I'm trying to steal the automobile, okay?
1729. No! You'll land on my crotch!
1728. There probably is a small, private F you.
1727. You got it all over me and down my shirt!
1726. That's not sexual at all, unless you're a kinky woman.
1724. Screw it, my hands are going to just keep on getting sticky.
1723. Hey, we can spray at the same time!
1722. My fingers haven't gotten this much exercise in a long time.
1720. You said you wanted to take me to the forest and do just that to me.
1717. I didn't have a happy enough childhood to have popsicles.
1716. It doesn't suck from that far away.
1715. My house! No kicking me in the groin at my house!
1713. I wore a green coat, Ben knows what it smells like.
1712. Your mascot is something that my mascot would leave on the carpet.
1710. Mmm...Sugar-coated Buddha...
1709. I took that directly in the eye.
1708. If I were a lock, I'd open for her.
1707. Why must you always mock me?
1706. Where's a roof I can shoot from?
1705. It is a refuse removal service.
1704. Are you familiar with the term "hot tuna"?
1703. It was a he and he was wearing capri pants.
1702. Adam is making his car bounce like he's humping.
1701. I'm sure I'll have excellent control, thank you.
1700. I think Grace is incredibly attractive, but I'm not into the casual sex scene.
1699. I call in my precious sometimes.
1698. You were calling me large food so I started calling you small food.
1695. Oh no! Not in my au jus!
1694. It went between my legs!
1693. It dribbled down my nipple.
1692. It's going down my nipples!
1691. Quit holding me hostage with my own utensils!
1690. Speaking of coughing up white stuff...
1689. I do not molest my nephews.
1688. There are little children sleeping in my house...they are my nephews.
1687. Hey! No! Scooping is okay, pinching is not.
1686. Sleeman, I owe you two scoops.
1685. Your sword can do painful things to my genitalia.
1684. Have you ever tried buttface?
1683. I'm trying to kill myself with sticky gernades.
1681. Sure, I get the inflated one.
1680. The fat white guy is the minority in my pledge class.
1679. It's my preferred head warmer.
1678. I'm going to try and wrangle me a ride.
1677. I don't have my default ugly whore.
1675. I wanted to spread them.
1674. I can’t get it in the hole.
1672. Someone ghosted my ahhh.
1671. Oh no, I’m getting rammed repeatedly.
1669. I just hit my own banana.
1667. The giant gaping hole in the middle.
1665. How did your vagina quest go?
1663. Oh, now I remember how you control your aiming.
1662. There’s no vibrating, that confuses me.
1661. Evan, stop, it’s getting in my eyes.
1660. You took my first player powers away.
1659. I’m surrounded by pedophiles.
1658. How would you do that with a latex glove on?
1657. He said he was going to find some vagina to hang out with.
1656. It’s not phallic at all you ass.
1655. How come a ball came flying over my head?
1654. I don’t intend to get married until I can put my wife in a house.
1653. Put the small thing in here.
1652. I got excited because I thought someone wanted to play with me.
1650. It flapped my butt checks together.
1649. Oh my God, I’m getting knifed.
1648. I think the tra la la is still being touched at the end of the song.
1647. Just for the record, I’m not wearing a bikini at your New Year’s party.
1646. I don’t want the soft ones.
1645. I just want to molest a passed out girl.
1644. You just want to nibble on it softly.
1643. I’ll give you the knife back if you stop trying to poke me in the penis.
1642. Stay away from my penis.
1641. You try to get in my mouth all the time Adam.
1640. You don’t put it in your mouth; you put your mouth in it.
1639. Things that smell bad you usually don’t put in your mouth.
1637. Oh, Günter touch my tra la la.
1636. I was going to text Craig and see if he wanted a blowjob.
1635. Evan just had a ménage trio.
1634. I thought we already covered the fact that I’m not a man.
1633. Someone help me find the V.
1632. Adam, I want your pretty pink thing.
1631. Keep my penis out of this.
1629. I’m getting gaily molested.
1628. Adam’s like touching my penis.
1627. Adam, quit putting you finger in my nose.
1626. Hey! Kevin’s doing to hula.
1625. That was a creation of your sick imagination.
1624. I thought he was going for a better look.
1622. Midnight Run had a lot of fucks in it.
1621. Why does everyone want to sodomize me?
1620. Don’t push him towards me, I don’t want him to bleed on me.
1619. I don’t want anything from your pedophilic mouth.
1618. Put a spit wad on his junk.
1617. Not in the face, Kevin is the closest to me.
1616. I’m not a her, and I’ll maintain that fact.
1615. Have you ever seen a person with facial cancer?
1614. Why do people insist on shaking on my leg?
1613. Have you ever sniffed the yellow packet?
1612. I can’t get my finger in the hole.
1610. Someone teach me proper breath control.
1609. This is so much worse then the nipple piercing clamps.
1608. Put something in his throat.
1607. You salted my milkshake.
1606. I’ve made significant steps in what you people would call ‘converting me from being a heathen.’
1605. He was being incoherent about my incoherentness.
1604. Haven’t we already covered the fact that I’m Ben, and I’m not good at anything, unless it’s not getting laid?
1603. It would be frisky backgammon.
1602. I keep getting double teamed.
1601. On behalf of the Big Fat Fucks Union, fuck you!
1600. How dare you confuse me with that fat miserable bastard!
1599. No, I am your daddy, not your manager!
1598. Have you finished dude-ing up my compact discs yet?
1597. Keen is a perfectly acceptable exclamation of surprise, envy, and good feelings...yay good feelings!
1596. Did you like my written version of a sinister laugh?
1595. It would take a lot of sand to replace me.
1593. I’m not up on popular nomenclature.
1591. Ow, fuck there’s a protrusion.
1590. I can’t fit in the hall, I’m too big.
1589. Are you going to cuddle with me or just molest me?
1586. Evan, put your ass away.
1583. Evan! My pants are all wet now.
1581. I’m dropping my pants and looking out the peep hole.
1580. It’s white hairy and has brown stains on it.
1579. I meant to suckle your hole Evan.
1577. Oh God! Someone just put their fingers in my ass.
1576. I’m not going in the hole just at the sight of your penis.
1575. I soiled the air, I didn’t soil the bed.
1574. I wonder if it changes pitches when I suck in.
1573. I promise we won’t smack you in the ass with newspapers if you shut the fuck up.
1572. No! I don’t want to go into the hole.
1571. I’d like to fertilize your corn rows.
1570. At least I’m not humping a portable bed.
1569. I’ll make thrusting motions at you all night long if you don’t trade places with me.
1568. I was being shoved into a place too small for my rib cage.
1567. Evan, you can’t push down on me like that.
1566. I’m afraid if I got happy you’d hurt me.
1565. For either team, they screw the pooch.
1564. There are no skid marks on my underpants.
1561. Can I emerge from the hole?
1559. Quit assaulting me with sodas.
1558. I'm glad I can be a tool of amusement for the Anderson family.
1557. I'm a big person. It takes a lot of momentum to get me rolling.
1556. There's no place around here where I can get some.
1555. I get very warm when I have to poop.
1553. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled down while I’ll was trying to swallow.
1551. You can see the wet spot on me.
1550. Boster, that’s a dildo and I stick it up my vagina.
1549. I squeezed my hamburger.
1548. I don’t look athletic enough to hit someone with a spit wad.
1547. Please hand me my flatware.
1546. Aww, I got it in my shorts.
1545. It was uncomfortable either way.
1544. I’m a hungry hungry hippo.
1543. I want to nummy your gummies.
1542. You don’t make applesauce with my nipples.
1541. Do you want a large fat slob to fuck you?
1540. I think my wrist just turned into a vagina all the sudden.
1539. I have the bad luck that we would blow up.
1536. I believe it’s time to mount up.
1535. I heard the wood going into the hole.
1534. There’s a mass quantity of wood here.
1532. I’m glad you’re picking up wood, one hit my toe toe.
1530. I’m afraid to relinquish control of my watercraft.
1529. I finally have a personal watercraft so that I can paddle my own canoe.
1528. I took a rock up the ass.
1527. I am suctioned to this tube.
1526. When the thing’s down too far I can’t get it with my finger.
1525. Denny, are you going to board me again?
1523. I feel no need to exercise for you.
1522. I just farted where you put your head.
1521. Everything we do is degrading to Ben.
1518. I was insinuating that your semen is poisonous.
1517. I thought the Great Depression was bad but her blowjobs are worse.
1516. The balls envelope my face.
1515. What is that you are poking me with?
1514. I steal office supplies on a regular basis.
1513. Well apparently, when I backstroke, I do look like a small island.
1512. This may be too much sandwich.
1511. I want to throw my Powerade at that Pooh Bear piñata.
1509. You have no more penis, I shot it off.
1508. Let me know when I'm supposed to pull out.
1506. Did you say you were going to leak and blow yourself?
1505. Nothing like hot dripping au jus.
1504. I encountered a hostile goat!
1502. Muslims are really Jews in disguise.
1501. But I am fat and slow and I will take longer.
1500. There is a surprising amount of Irish-Catholic niggers, apparently.
1498. Let me get into giving range.
1497. I'm a horrible, evil dumb fuck who needs to be killed.
1496. Those fuckers just kicked my corpse in the nuts!
1495. See? I'm slightly useful.
1494. The shimmying was very attractive there, Scott.
1492. I'm pissed of. They didn't have the kind of nail file I like.
1491. I believe my penis is smaller for having said that.
1490. Should we have run over the fat questionable lesbian?
1489. It suffers from severe lack of ammunition.
1488. It means there is little hair in the pubical region.
1487. Shall I let loose your tassel?
1486. Have you ever rubbed an eggplant the right way?
1485. My mouth gets sore from sucking so hard.
1484. I’ll use my tongue to dislodge whatever it is.
1483. So I’d be a lunch lady eggplant?
1482. How do I become more humorous as you become more inebriated?
1480. How long should I microwave my sausage?
1479. You’re going to dent your balls.
1478. You’ll be shifting in my crotch.
1477. Maybe she meant rape, like slang for ‘Evan keep going.’
1476. Those are high quality jugs.
1475. He’s riding a big ball of gas.
1474. How does a Slav find his way into American pop culture parodying a hip-hop artist?
1473. I didn't know Smurfs played Halo.
1472. Your penis is going to be revoked.
1471. How does Pirate get a girlfriend and I didn't?
1470. I agree I'm a stupid dumb bastard.
1469. I thwacked him in mid air.
1468. My Halo character has a faggoty name.
1467. Who's trying to grenade my sorry ass?
1466. Dammit, that was counter productive.
1465. That's how you thwack someone.
1463. I'm going to fill my vagina with cement.
1462. I have a clofty lob on my genitals.
1461. I'm combining an adjective, a verb, and a piece of genitals.
1460. You hit 2 very perpendicular balls.
1459. I gave you the blue ball.
1458. I got to restock; I'm down to one ball.
1457. I got myself a blue ball.
1456. Jesus it's cool, but it's floppy.
1455. Don't worry about the erect moose.
1454. Always keep extra balls in your pockets.
1453. You're not supposed to lip the rim.
1452. What's in my back pocket that’s creating havoc?
1451. It's big headed, but it’s heavy.
1450. If I were going to have an orgasm over a golf club, this would be it.
1448. My fucking lawn mower is top of the line.
1447. My lawn mower has many variable speeds.
1446. Boo, get the fat kid off the stage.
1444. Is he peeing on the old lady?
1443. How is someone licking a window supposed to be creepy?
1442. I was trying to retrieve my ball.
1441. Was this supposed to be a giant penis analogy?
1440. Kill the fairy-god-bitch.
1439. If I wasn't so fat and slow, I'd lunge at you.
1438. I did a commando roll and the buckle went up my ass.
1437. These are very crabby corners.
1436. Any projectile that makes contact with the eye will inflict damage to some extent.
1434. I'm not humping your car.
1433. Why don't you just whip it out and wipe it on their window.
1431. I'm surrounded by child molesters.
1430. I'd rather be the giver than the receiver.
1429. He's the butch and you’re his bitch.
1428. What’s that damn monkey for?
1427. I have bad luck with toothpicks.
1426. I wish I knew what the blue balls were.
1425. I got nominated as queen of the universe.
1424. I have stood on a stool and flapped my arms before.
1423. Yes AJ, it's a synonym for breast.
1422. I'm going to beat my shellfish.
1421. Man this crab is hard to beat.
1420. At least I didn't have a penis rubbed on my face.
1419. Aren't you a little close to my penis?
1418. Don't you mean, tie me to your mast.
1417. You broke your palm deally.
1415. I can't see it, it keeps bubbling
1414. This is a date ball, not a penis sized ball.
1413. Sometimes I have multiple poppers.
1412. Did you just expose your ass?
1411. You could write a song, 'a boy named twat.'
1409. I'd like to jack you off.
1408. Limited personal contact sex.
1407. He was insinuating that my mother gave him hand jobs.
1405. Touching them with a marker popped most of them.
1404. Ah man, don't tell me my sharpie's dieing.
1403. You'd feel like less of a man if you walked into the choir room in your sar.
1402. It's all about the tanginess of the rhubarb.
1401. I'm wondering what kind of ham you have.
1400. I was worried that it wouldn't stay up.
1399. I don’t own a giant diaper anyway.
1398. That's what you get for snorting Ramen seasoning.
1397. What was, strip bowling?
1396. I think it's about questioning their masculinity.
1395. Dude, they're bad quality bleachers.
1394. You just committed an ice-cream faux pas.
1393. My random babblings are intelligent dammit.
1392. It’s a syringe and they make food.
1390. Do you want to slide it back in and whack him?
1389. That could have caused testicular damage.
1388. Don’t finger my tassels.
1387. I feel better about myself now that you’re not defacing my genitals.
1386. A tit isn’t a flying toy.
1385. I’m going out the in hole.
1384. You’ll slap me in the shit.
1383. I’m completely flaccid, my pants are just tight.
1382. You can’t see the cow’s rod?
1381. Everyone was expecting a scatological joke, but it was just yogurt in carpet.
1380. I would do Zig in a heart beat.
1379. I didn’t know that Tiffany was a sperm.
1378. It’s big and hard to handle.
1377. There is nothing wrong with manure, it’s just glorified dirt.
1376. You guys are going to break Brik’s knockers.
1375. What orifice would you like my penis stuck into, eye sockets or ears?
1374. The only time you’ll know a large penis is when I shove mine into your back.
1373. Zig, Craig’s penis is not a plush novelty.
1372. I was making a joke about his general stature.
1371. It's equal opportunity, it's the woman's turn to go into the men's room.
1370. I wish these two were more attractive and women.
1367. It's a breathing condom.
1366. I have a physical heart not a metaphorical one.
1365. Suck Zig's big fatty cock.
1364. Grace, I'm not going to debate the tightness of your hole.
1363. Michelle was bitching because her wiener exploded.
1362. I want a nice warm tea bag.
1361. I do not want Vaseline on my noodle.
1359. Quit hitting me with your noodle.
1358. Anyone up for some Lady and the Tramp action?
1357. I definitely would have excremented in my pants.
1356. Don't throw your Tootsie Pop at my head.
1355. That was a Cheerio dilemma.
1354. What's the water content of that rock?
1353. You got butt hair lint in my spaghetti.
1352. Dill weed is a spice, and it's actually quite lugubrious, tantalizing,
and nice. It instantly makes me salivate.
1351. How is my constipation humorous?
1350. I lost my joke in mid-joke.
1347. Since the light went off I got happy humped.
1346. I didn't pay 0 so you could pounce on me.
1345. Does anybody want to snuggle?
1344. As you just heard I smell like ass and fire.
1343. Where are my defensive pillows?
1342. Then you're going to happy hump me.
1341. Why did you select me to crumb?
1340. Why is there a sack on me?
1339. You can only have two left hands.
1338. I thought you rubbed it on his face.
1337. Keep the tampon to yourself.
1336. What's a Roland candidate?
1335. How do you know I don't have a womb?
1334. If I show you a specific body part, can I go to sleep?
1333. The fact that I'm not a cow makes it harder to produce a good moo.
1332. I had scrotum on my face.
1331. I was asleep, there was no reason for you to rub your genitals on me.
1330. Would the owner of a bloody tampon please come to the front?
1329. I'm not doing any tampon related activities.
1328. Did I see some sort of cheese cracker over there?
1326. Craig wants to see my penis and it concerns me.
1324. That was made under my dress.
1323. Do you ever consider my feelings?
1322. You were the one that insinuated giving Miah a BJ.
1321. That insinuated oral sex.
1320. He wanted to keep his hands soft for his wife.
1319. It took me a while to figure out how to do it, but then it was easy.
1318. He was beating me when we played.
1317. How fuckin' stupid is you?
1316. When I do it, it vibrates the couch.
1315. I'm holding your hand and it's not even in a romantic context.
1314. Edit the undergarments slightly.
1313. Would you please close it, it doesn't feel good up my ass.
1310. Is that a euphemism for a breast?
1309. Oh man, if they made condoms in this flavor think of how many blow jobs
I'd get.
1308. Well, I guess I'm just juicy.
1307. I lift heavy objects and don't get invited to their parties.
1306. I said thank you when you put it on my lap.
1305. My Peter is fine thank you.
1304. You told me to whip it out and show it to you.
1302. That looks like something a demented Grandma would wear.
1301. That wasn't angry Ben, that was injured Ben
1300. He wanted me to present my penis for visual inspection.
1299. Oh shit, I ripped the fly.
1297. If you show me your brown eye, I'm going to shove a shoe up there.
1296. He initiated it with Scott's head.
1295. I'm not going to show you my lofty frontal bone.
1294. Someone erase the penis.
1293. This is the closet to action I've ever gotten.
1292. We can pump Miller later.
1291. Can you see where I'm dangling it.
1289. Just smack it a lot until it comes out.
1288. I'm your fetching bitch.
1286. I have been coughing up white gelatinous blobs.
1285. Was Craig making artificial farts?
1284. Somebody ate all the beany weenies.
1283. Excuse me if I don't put undated liquids in my mouth.
1281. Were there landing lights.
1280. There ain't no treasure in my bowels.
1277. It's just a really hard squeeze.
1276. If you are going to make fun of my sweating do it right.
1274. Did Craig just make an artificial fart?
1273. I coughed up white gelatinous blobs.
1272. It stuck between my legs and I fell.
1271. I just sat on my testicle.
1270. I almost stumbled over my stick.
1268. Someone crinkle wrinkled it.
1266. My nipples are quite supple.
1265. Now I have creamy stuff in my pants.
1264. It is metaphorical rain, bitch.
1263. Is Dr. Pepper a real doctor? I don’t think he’s qualified to be a beverage.
1262. It wasn’t a full penguin suit.
1261. Do you know what I’m thinking of putting in your ear?
1260. Why did you call me a big yellow Ben?
1259. That was gross it was wet and sloppy.
1258. I called her haggis face.
1257. I said sax and a French inn.
1256. I can open my mouth very wide.
1253. I do not belong in a citrus fruit producing arboretum.
1252. Why do you consider me as a shake toy for your pleasure?
1250. You’ve got butt juice in your drink.
1249. It’s a cable car dumbfuck.
1248. Ever since you were in a bra and came sang Happy Birthday on my lap, it hasn’t been the same.
1247. I just wanted to say Amish.
1246. Craig, I’m goin to rip out one of your eyes and just imagine what I’ll put in the socket.
1245. You can stick it in me, but I’ll pull it out and slash you with it.
1244. There’s some sort of pink goo over here.
1243. I’ll kick you in the shinin.
1242. My finger got stuck in the hole.
1241. Real men use blood as the anal lubricant.
1240. I’m the mother bird bitch.
1238. My rectum doesn’t get much company.
1237. Put the hole in front of your mouth and scream.
1235. Why is everyone looking at Ben’s wiener?
1234. The pusher is low quality.
1233. Stop playing with Adam’s pussy.
1232. If you put my chapstick up my butt, I’ll kill you.
1231. We have to call the sex lady.
1230. I might be afraid to look down and see everything golden brown.
1229. I think I dress myself thank you.
1228. I have 5 hairs somewhere.
1227. It doesn’t include a numbering agent.
1226. Someone who takes pleasure from a hard time.
1225. It's the entrance of the penis to the anus.
1224. You guys are bad at this quiet so the hall monitor doesn’t hear this thwack thwack thwack.
1223. Sure, I offer and it's 'get the hell out here and put on a parka'.
1222. It's used to numb the tip
1221. I'm already known as Warren's big friend; I don't want to be known as his gay friend.
1220. I just suck that’s my problem.
1219. I'll play catch with your junk.
1218. Did you just put an alien up my ass?
1217. Jackie gave me a nice hard duck.
1216. We are running into dicey waters with our lack of diversity.
1214. Oh damn I'm missing I'm missing, I got hair I got hair.
1213. Nothing to do with my nipples.
1212. You're the second person to make mouth contact with my nipples.
1211. No lap dance from Ramsey.
1210. A sharp penis next to my leg.
1209. My wang is enormus bitch.
1208. Are we supposed to mount our picture?
1207. Smacking someone is not rape.
1206. My random babblings are intelligent damit.
1205. I just suck thats my problem.
1203. I’m pretty sure bokkakae isn’t a mushroom.
1202. Craig I am going to stick this in your nuts.
1201. Yeah, I know, I stuck my finger in it.
1200. I’ll give you a buck to stick you tongue in my gash.
1199. Sorry, I had to kick you in the ear.
1198. We also need to email the sex lady.
1197. It’s not rape if you ask me to draw inside of you.
1196. I just want to finger you.
1195. You’re banging my phone hole.
1194. Warren’s penis would fit in my nose.
1193. I was trying to make a sexual implication about tiffany and the liking of Haribo Gummibears.
1192. I object to that, I am a rather intelligent wanker.
1190. Oh, those are the balls.
1189. She likes to put German things in her mouth because they last longer.
1187. It’s a relative of the poontang pie.
1185. Because you guys grab them and make them bleed.
1184. Why do you bait me as a heartless bastard?
1183. The fact that you are inventing quotes really perturbs me.
1182. I think there's an odor emitting now that my legs are open, it's a sweet smell.
1181. Please remove your foot from my crevice.
1180. He threw seeds on that horsie.
1179. I don't want to go watch the fat Jewish man jiggle about.
1178. How do you diplomatically say the "Injuns Are Coming?"
1177. My cell phone isn’t pink.
1176. I don’t have a personal watercraft, so I can’t paddle my own canoe.
1174. I’ve never heard it called a pea coat before.
1173. Does the Pope shit in the woods?
1172. I don’t take of my shirt under command.
1171. How many quotes have to do with the state of my penis?
1170. I’m completely flaccid for your information.
1169. Talking to a girl makes me excited.
1168. Why can’t I debate with myself?
1167. I’m not a horny little girl.
1166. Don’t you agree that she’s a daddy’s princess?
1165. My parents bought me defective ziplocks.
1164. I pulled a muscle in my chest from coughing.
1163. Adam, you’d be a good girlfriend because you suck so much.
1162. All I heard is that I’ve been touching myself too much.
1161. If I get in line, you will molest me next?
1160. Are you performing a surgical operation on your ice cream?
1159. There was definite cupping there.
1158. Boster, do you have the Spice Channel?
1157. That better not be her boobs.
1154. Why are your muscles so big?
1153. Do you want a foot in the crotch?
1152. The ball was blown dead.
1149. What, he had a lanyard and he tried to club me.
1148. That’s what I was about to say when he clubbed me with is lanyard.
1147. Are you keeping that tucked into the back of your pants.
1146. Why would you want me around if I was good at anything?
1145. I can’t fit in man whore.
1143. For the longest time I thought Denny was a minority.
1142. We got sequential lap dances.
1141. I wouldn’t want him to be my father in law, because I’d be afraid to have sex with my wife.
1140. That was me skank dick fuck.
1137. There’s a stupid fucking Asian-for on your head.
1135. I thought he was supposed to give her the rock?
1134. How do you open Diane’s chips?
1133. You’ll hit me with your steel rod.
1132. Its not illegal to snort Top Ramen.
1131. I do not have a connection with a barn.
1130. Two spanks and a kick today.
1129. It sounded like a gay sex romp.
1128. I broke someone’s lunch.
1124. One of these mornings you’ll wake up with warm liquid on your face.
1123. The flesh is really tasty after you get passed the membrane.
1122. I’m experimenting with an ugli fruit.
1121. I know what a C-Ring is, but what the fuck is an O-Ring?
1120. My hands are all sticky now.
1118. I do not drink from a penis unless it’s from a straw.
1117. You didn’t want my ugli fruit before, so you can’t have it now.
1116. I don’t mind if you do it at home, but don’t rape me in public.
1114. Can I have sex with your soda?
1113. This book is perfect, it’s got rough edged paper.
1112. The horse farting was crude but humorous.
1111. Surprise the bad niggers by throwing the baby at them.
1110. Shoot the baby! Shoot the baby!
1108. The more provocative name is Whip It Out.
1107. We were feeding them illegally.
1106. Fuck you, I’m a stupid bitch.
1104. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dickfor that big.
1103. Its fun to put a bit of onion in your tuna.
1102. They may take our lives, but they will never take our boyfriends.
1101. I was just playing the part of a homosexual William Wallace.
1100. Don’t hurry a short ill-tempered Italian woman.
1099. I don’t want to be a square but is Air Force One an athletic shoe?
1098. Wait a sec. I think I’m being molested.
1097. Is there any way you get a stack of pancakes and a stripper?
1096. That wasn’t the appendage you were referring to.
1095. Not if I crumble Chex squares on his head.
1094. If he doesn’t notice someone sticking something wet in his ear, there’s something wrong with him.
1093. Your water bottle has pee in it.
1092. I folded my leg in half.
1091. As long as I’m doing the nailing and not getting nailed.
1090. I’d make love to a houseplant.
1089. I’m getting marker on my sandwich.
1088. I’m being abused by this group of women.
1084. You’d quote me because it’s out of character for me to use normal words.
1082. I’m not vibrating the table.
1081. I’m doing Thanksgiving food.
1080. I'll open it up and you take it out.
1079. Drew is going to break the door with his thrusting.
1078. Is that a fire hydrant or a small child?
1077. Why am I modeling my insanely obese body?
1076. Alright, one double scoop.
1075. Okay, you can scoop me but this is the last time.
1074. I'm sorry but I was confused by the presence of ladies in the hot tub.
1073. Okay boys just grab and let me go.
1072. I decided that if they are stupid enough to be intoxicated in a hot tub than I am going to watch.
1070. Am I supposed to see visions of carpetbaggers?
1069. Denny, please keep your pants on.
1068. They won't let me go to the toilet.
1067. That should have been a vortex.
1066. I already said that I wasn't doing a Furby.
1065. Is that a writing utensil?
1064. You want me to fuck your cheese?
1063. Would you rather I beat my meat?
1061. I was trying to make a humorous anecdote.
1060. That's some massive disformity.
1059. Stoned and anxious, there's a liability suit.
1058. You don't have a picture of red and blue Ben?
1057. Let's mock him because he's transparent.
1056. There's orange juice all over me docu-folder.
1055. There's a small concentration of hair there.
1054. You got juice from my lips.
1052. You just got juice stuff on me.
1050. He’s situationally dead.
1049. If I ever need a second career I’ll become a bobble head doll.
1048. How’s my internal class love affair going.
1047. I am world hunger, I wonder how much I weigh?
1046. Can we agree that I have more than one cricket and more than one tumbleweed, since they are bound to get away from me?
1044. Be thankful my pants were on.
1043. What are the general OSU Fraternity reactions?
1042. Everyone knows midgets only come in the officer variety.
1040. I was going to make a remark about the Captain and his monkey.
1037. I’m completely flaccid thank you.
1036. We’re being beat up like Catholic school children.
1034. Something regarding the state of my decentness.
1033. I’ve learned I’m not cool enough for the ghetto.
1031. Let’s take a minute and get to know the inner-teddy.
1030. Put a cup over my candle and ask me to leave.
1029. Who would you rather see as President, Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck?
1028. Otto non-gender foot thing.
1027. I’m holding my hand in position.
1026. No locking me in small rooms.
1025. Making everything one big happy not-making-fun-of-things family.
1024. You think I’m a flaming homosexual, don’t you?
1023. I did not violate Kevin.
1021. Don’t mind the rising of the docu-folder.
1020. You can’t become a Steve.
1019. Did you put your mouth on this one?
1017. Can someone distract camera boy?
1016. I’m not sexually attracted to the Golden Gate Bridge.
1015. It’s a beautiful fucking bridge.
1014. I choose not to partake in this game.
1013. You’re referring male anatomy to the periodic table.
1011. That was an unnecessary jump.
1010. Get your hands off my pompoms.
1009. She has condensation in her bonnet.
1008. No, I’m not your sticker whore.
1007. The towels I get hit with don’t come in squares.
1003. No, I'm going to let you take a picture of me licking my nipple.
1001. There's no way he's getting my pussy.
1000. I was elected because of my revolutionary non-queer thinking.
998. Are we going to be deliquints?
997. Who's the president of the queer club?
996. They gave me a shoddy tassel.
994. My testicle still stings, you bitch.
993. You touched my right testicle.
992. The things I do, make sure you quote me with proper English.
991. You'd be near me so you'd get Ben pee all over you.
990. The one that sits between my legs.
989. Do you know where I can get a pocket protector?
988. Were you trying to grab my junk?
987. You're on the cusp of greatness.
986. Are you calling me Chedwick?
983. Grecian, like the hair coloring stuff.
982. If I touch the white part, you can lick my face.
981. Do you want some chicken sex jelly?
980. We can sit here and make poop jokes.
979. If you say retardo one more time, I'll pee on you.
978. Is he going to an all male brothel?
977. I'm sorry I can't spell teats.
975. Did you put my teats in here?
973. If there's anymore talking my clothes are coming off.
972. Stop throwing Fig Newtons at me.
967. It broke because I bent it too much.
966. I'm talking about the ruler not my penis.
965. Why can't I have a regular boyfriend?
964. What we had was better than sex.
961. Are you equating me with the devil?
959. I’m not going to eat the Ramen Flavor Packet.
958. There is not a cheese and/or a sausage shop in my head.
957. I turned in of pennies and not a single one was a wheat eared penny.
956. My head is made of hickory, you caught me.
955. I do not name my appendages.
954. We're supposed to mount our picture.
953. I may be most of the things you make fun of me for, but I'm not homosexual.
952. Smacking someone is not rape.
951. Why can't I fuck with Warren?
950. I'm working, don't whip me now.
949. OK, I don't smell that bad.
948. A little more cushion for the cushion.
947. Has anyone groomed your forest lately?
946. I'm going to light your ass up with my foot.
944. I'm not speaking in any Asian language.
942. Do you know where I'm going to stick your head?
941. There was definite ass cupage.
939. That may sound like me but that just sounds horny.
937. I'm going to fall in a ditch and die.
936. Have you ever had acidic liquid leave your body?
935. The entire milkshake came out of my ass.
933. If it's coming and I can't hold it any longer, I'll tell you to pull over.
932. You'll leave me with my pants down.
931. Being cool makes me have to shit less.
930. It's going to wet and it's going to seep through my pants.
929. If I hadn't just consumed dairy products I could sing this.
928. I meant the town not my own house.
927. Quit dissing on my old home.
926. Do you have anything I can use for pant support?
925. It's my party and I'll say whatever the Fuck I want.
923. Did you just say your mom reminds me of a penis?
922. I'm pushing it up, but it won't go up.
919. Clog the Irish step dance.
917. I need to spank Craig with that before I leave.
915. Why do I always get raped in groups?
912. You're sure there's an E on chode.
911. Ok, so I don't taste good.
910. Why can't I talk about scrotum?
909. Came that close to hitting my scrotum.
907. It's a Flemmer butterfly.
905. It's singular not sexual.
904. I'm angered, his ball is better then mine.
903. Why is there a ball against my head?
902. Do we have Saxon fingers?
900. I'm going to sodomize you with a fudge stick.
898. My wang is a deadly weapon.
897. You can not sexually arouse a shower.
896. I need all the practice I can get.
895. We might as well drop our soap now.
894. Take your penis out of my gas tank.
893. Don't key my car you bastard.
892. Besides all that crap I was talking, those are high quality details.
891. I'm going to wipe my pus on you.
890. You hit me in my like dimple thingys.
889. You poked me in the eye you dumbshit.
887. Warren, give me the stick.
885. It really hurts when you put that in my eye.
883. Why are you sniffing the Thunder Sticks?
882. That child needs to cut his hair.
881. Who cares if that Ben kid gets sodomized?
880. Analog roaming bad cell phone.
878. A priest in an English rugby shit.
877. Go down if you want a drink.
876. I thought you called me sausage tits.
875. Actually it's a significant difference in distance.
874. Does anybody want to go to Arby's, I have coupons.
873. Does anybody have a metal rod?
872. Turn me into a penis puffer.
871. You're adding a prefix and a suffix to a known word.
868. What is the purpose of a bong?
867. Turn around and beat them with a bone.
866. I stood there in odd silence.
865. I need a shirt that says Princess.
864. I don't want to rape him.
862. From now on all permanent records are under Benjamin C. Gerling.
861. Keep your balls to yourself.
859. It's funny because he had a Twinkie on his nose.
858. I wanted to play with it.
857. Are you pressing hard on it?
856. My penis is not effective.
855. If you go to Neeman Marcus to buy a fucking eggbeater, I'll kill you.
854. I don't want your lettuce.
853. I might have been dead but I was hiding from gravity.
852. If you do anything to me, you will see fat, naked Ben.
851. Are you talking about your miniscule appendages?
850. I'm in the middle of a butterfinger.
849. Don't screw with my paint thingy.
848. Is someone being anti-me?
847. I meant a cardboard container, you jackass.
845. What are you picking out of my pocket.
843. Take the whistle out of your vagina!
842. I put jugs on, but I didn't put tits on.
841. They told me it would get smaller with age.
840. I didn't say make a poop.
839. It got lodged in the skin.
838. If it's bleeding, I'm going to kill you.
835. It's not my fault the crotch wore out.
834. Is anyone else going through massive temperature heat changes?
833. It's a reward for being your science experiment.
831. Let me play with your beaner.
830. Where's an old person when I need one?
829. I the younger woman am in love with the older man.
828. I can swear and talk about drugs and sex.
826. Adam, get you hand out of my pants.
824. You screw with it so I can't make Civil War on paper.
823. It stung the back of my head.
821. So and so's masculine itch relief gel.
820. Don't worry, I'll do it quick.
819. Boys have two flaws, everything they say and everything they do.
818. It's White Jell-o versus Asian Invasion!
817. You mocked me in a harmful manner.
816. Out a break between when you cram and when you regurgitate
815. It's not good to lay in bed like a big target waiting to be stabbed.
814. You need to take some anatomy if you think my throat is having a child.
813. There’s a thingy on that.
812. It’s my first time with a halfback.
811. I can swear and talk about sex if I want to.
810. It must have slipped out in the middle.
809. Do you have anything in the way of munchies?
808. I thought you broke Timmy.
807. That’s my problem, I’m not getting screwed.
806. Mine’s wet so it’s going to be more pleasurable.
805. I think I can say goodbye to floppysticks.
804. It got up on me then got back down and got back up again.
801. It’s time for my regular movement.
800. Yes, I know they’re floppy.
799. It’s basically an attle attle.
797. I'll do inappropriate things with your drumsticks.
795. Is my ignorance joyful for you?
794. I don't think it went all the way down.
793. I'm getting it off as fast as I can.
792. I feel like I should have a beverage in a coconut and a couple of honeys on my shoulder.
791. Why do you insist that my kitchen has intelligence?
789. Quit blowing your cunt at me.
786. No one in my family is a homeless bum you idiot.
785. Were you in with the poppy seed's relative when you came up with that?
784. It looks like he is being attacked by a sock puppet.
783. If you hit me one more time I will show up at all of your houses naked.
782. I'm messy and proud of it.
781. Fuck your veggies eat my meat.
780. You asked for it so let me give it to you.
779. I fail out of protection.
778. I'll give it to you just let me rotate it so it works.
775. That's my Achilles tendon not my asshole.
774. Is there anything I can do that you won't make fun of me?
772. All I said was massive wang.
770. Why would you put a pretzel in your vagina, first of all it's an abrasive surface so that would hurt.
769. Why are we talking about the size of my penis?
768. Come in Zig, this Girl Scout, over.
767. Why does everything I do relate to me being retarded or special ed?
765. We played with glowsticks at our family reunion.
764. I just did a quick headshot.
763. I should have mounted you.
762. Screw straight ones, I’ve got curvy ones.
760. Steve has gone to child molester heaven.
759. Mine are never big and wide.
757. Oh, it vibrates just fine.
756. Your mom is nice and juicy.
755. Rape him like the whore he is.
754. That is sex on a projector.
753. I'm going to piss on your face.
751. I'm Bill Gates and you're a homeless person.
750. I need some joy in my life.
749. Then you go and take the boy I like.
748. Screw you, we can take turns.
746. Can you see yourself in the whiteness of my thighs?
745. If I ever meet someone named Triangle, I'm going to kill them.
743. I will not present myself for you.
742. Do you want to spank me right now?
738. He looks like a homosexual boxer.
737. That sounds like an alcoholic beverage.
736. I don't want to damage the head.
734. I hope someone circumcises your face.
733. I understand that circumcision has to do with the penis.
732. Are you saying that I don't have a urethra?
731. Are you making fun of my vacupan?
730. My kitchen is not intelligent.
729. You're the only one who wants to see my step-mom nude.
728. Mine's not misshapen yet.
727. Are we talking about having sex with Ben?
726. I feel bad that you equate having sex with Mr. Woods and me.
725. Buses are full sized like me.
724. Did we actually have a conversation about things I'd say during sex?
723. I didn't say perspiration.
722. You're amazed by my sweat?
721. Snap it on and cover the tip.
720. You can call it a fuck if you want to.
718. Because someone named Phil can't keep it straight.
717. I got mine in the hole and yours was still dangling.
712. I don’t need to know about your nipples.
710. I shaved kids and it turned into a coat.
708. Why can’t I have a fly hat?
706. You’ll have to straddle a wet speedo.
704. Looking down and seeing tiny things doesn’t frighten me.
703. Did you call me Jew-bacca?
702. Why did you stick your hands between my legs?
701. I can ram this in really hard.
700. I need to blow it back in shape.
699. Everybody get naked and let me whip them.
698. I was waiting for the fairy.
696. I’m going to have to go home all wet.
695. That’s the new style biznatch.
694. That’s a new thing… looking down and seeing balls.
693. They don’t serve slices of cinema.
692. That doesn’t deserve being a slice of cinema.
691. I don’t look like a toad.
690. You rubbed it all over with your pot smoking sweatshirt.
689. I don’t look like a rapper.
688. We were retrieving rockets.
687. Do not throw banana peels at me.
685. He was on one of those Oregon nude beaches.
683. I’m going to come to school and be the biggest ho ever.
682. I always get stuff on my ass.
679. Of course of rocket now smells like ganja.
678. When you hear Hecate, doesn't it just sound like he has a penis?
677. No I do not want to take it up the ass.
676. I’m not good at this whole being black thing.
675. I’m not your male homosexual stripper.
674. This sounded better and I got the social aspect of it.
673. How come when I wear one pair of goggles I’m a retarded turtle, and when I wear the other I’m a retarded doctor?
671. Don’t go throwing a party yet.
670. Why don’t you draw the dildo right?
669. I was watching the Hokey Pokey Elmo.
667. No one plays with me unless you count myself.
666. I'm calling nick-knack. Hey- I called nick-knack!
665. I'm going to paint my testicles for the next assembly.
664. Why does this water taste thicker than normal?
662. 'Cause a wind went up my back and it felt mighty nice.
661. Why are you clapping that Ted's wearing pants?
660. Hey! There's balls in the water.
659. That sounds like something the male librarian at South would say.
658. I just got 86ed from the circle again.
657. Evan put two balls in my crotch.
655. I got out of the shower and everything was red.
654. I’m going to be a fluffer when I grow up.
653. You’re backing away in fear from my Dr Pepper?
652. Someone had to draw a picture for me.
651. I know what a 69 is in reference to.
650. What are you going to do, throw a saltine at me?
649. I’m not actually trying to make contact.
648. Did you just blow cracker at me?
647. Anywhere I go I get groped.
646. I can take your shunning it happens often.
644. I was insinuating that his family was full of hoochy mamas.
643. Why does everyone think that things are under me or in me?
642. I’m going to pretend you’re referring to my mom.
640. Don’t make me show you my hairy white ass.
636. I don’t go around weighing my head.
634. Chocolate mousse is so good it’s tearful.
633. Have I ever said that I want to drink a small baby?
632. Why do you think I want to drink baby juice.
630. I have a bruise on my testicles.
629. You’re Ben, you’re fat, ugly, and have breasts.
625. Who has sex in Thousand Island dressing?
624. Rasta condoms don’t have dread locks.
623. So at first I’m a broken condom and now I’m a circus condom.
622. If anything I’m a rasta condom.
621. I have to pay for my own gas and not the flatulence type.
620. Pam, my pants are around my ankles.
619. I’m going to the moon and I’m taking Inga the Swedish girl.
618. I'm going to rape you in the ear.
617. I'm laughing about the toothpick not my penis.
615. Do not shoot toothpicks at me.
613. Why can't I be a sexy man?
612. I'm not even that desperate and horny to make out with a milkshake.
611. I thought you meant that it actually tasted like vagina.
610. You're telling me to think with my penis.
609. Turtle fur sounds like a sexual position.
608. I didn't get hit in the face.
607. Ben's spirit stick is just fine.
606. My turtle fur doesn't go on your thigh.
604. I'm going to pour something on you.
603. Tiffany, you naughty girl.
601. I'm coming to close to AJ's penis.
600. Get the panty letter away from me.
598. I've never seen an old wrinkled one.
597. Are you getting arm balls?
596. I think I'm more commanding without any pants on.
595. Ben has a logical statement to make.
594. What sort of porn is that?
593. Excuse me where's Mecca? It's time for me to pray.
591. Back before it was called Liberty Cabbage.
590. We're not talking about towels not penis.
588. At least I know what food is.
587. I think the oscillate is broken.
585. I'm not going to disrespect my elders.
583. A cheerleader hit me in the head with a spirit stick.
582. Why are you poking the plant?
581. There's a lot of running involved so I try to avoid chaffage.
579. I have banana all over me.
577. Everything else sweats, bad feet.
576. Girls think my thrust is funny.
574. I hope to be sexually harassed someday.
573. You put it in the wrong hole.
571. It's right between my legs.
569. I come early and leave late.
568. Did you have Spud's fries with Bud's burger?
567. Maybe we should revoke your penis.
565. Hey! It's a dead squirrel.
564. You would have taken box to mean vagina.
563. I don't get many rushes in life.
562. Is it the thing you use to smoke marijuana?
559. Do they have actual hash?
558. Yes, I was looking at AJ's areola.
553. No I'm not wearing Depends.
552. Scott's going to explode out of his head.
551. I don't know because I'm Mexican.
550. Horn dogs sound good right now.
548. You can put agina in parenthesis.
547. I didn't say that I have a vagina.
546. Who's going to hold me when I cry?
545. It's the only alliance I have.
544. Evan, I don't want to sit in your legs.
543. That would be highly ineffective.
541. It's okay, everything is nice and limp.
539. He threw water at my crotch.
537. It was a DVD, its not like it had semen on it.
536. I have the feeling it involves feces.
534. I was humpty dumpty in the eighth grade.
533. If you drop the soap in prison you get an otter pop in the ass.
531. What did you do, sit down and count the breasts?
529. If I had said that, that's what you would have equated it to.
528. That's my fierce ninja sound.
527. Why do I have the feeling that I will be the victim of that aggression?
526. No. Actually it's quote stationary.
524. There's a way to make it look like your humping the course.
523. You were talking about ejaculation.
522. Why do you refer everything to sex?
521. I got told to out it away when I do that.
520. You can make fun of my gender but don't call me a feminist.
519. I'm going to beat you like a red head.
518. I don't know what my happy sound is.
517. You called me a penis so I returned.
516. Do you like rubbing my shaft?
515. Must we always forget about Ben?
512. I'm on the quest to find more docu-files.
511. I'm converting to docu-holders and legal pads entirely.
510. Let me see if I can weasel up some wheels.
508. I am neither pregnant nor a walrus.
507. With the assistance of a hammer and a few motions...
506. I wanted to look at it just to see how pathetic it is.
505. They cornered me and started poking me and stuff.
504. I wanted to go down on his post.
503. How would raping me be pleasurable?
502. Where are those Catholics?
501. I'm not a seamstress I can't work miracles.
500. We'll put the tape in the microwave.
499. Ben can get it up he just can't get it over.
498. It would be funny to watch me try to get it up.
496. I will snap my Tootsie Roll over your face.
495. I was talking about the Tootsie Roll.
494. I could just cover you in Miracle Whip.
493. You're gonna lose it, it's bending in half.
493. Would you like to see my sack?
491. I'm tired of you poking and prodding me.
489. He was poking me in the boob.
488. What about my sex appeal?
487. I'll give you a chest tube.
486. I almost spilled Vanilla Pepsi all over myself.
485. Everyone knows that fun and Ben are opposites.
483. Just stick it in my toes.
482. Hey Tiffany, we have a mattress over here!
481. Well if you consider the curvature of the Earth...
480. My mom and step mom have been married for four years.
477. How many of them involve lubricant?
476. Adam, should we go get it on?
475. Would you rather have me between your legs?
473. I need to put a band-aid on the condom.
470. I need a pole and a hair tie.
469. No one told me it was lubricated.
467. My lung capacity isn't that great.
466. Oh God! It has lubricant on it!
463. Rip the sack and wrap it back up.
461. No one here with a penis can deny that.
460. I can see a line of handbags.
458. You owe me a percentage of that business.
457. Grace started giving me tips about doing her mom.
456. Didn't we have a conversation about doing moms at the last retreat?
455. I am not liable for any injuries caused by my sayings.
454. My noodles should not be crunchy.
453. I squealed before I got it.
450. That's one angry dust cloud.
448. I was rehearsing my lady voice.
447. You re-hook it each time.
446. Let down your long schlong.
445. I think Craig was trying to make some purple.
442. You weren't an eleven year old girl, now where you?
441. That's one attractive ice.
439. You and the animal kingdom mating.
438. I'm a pretty, pretty princess.
437. I wasn't going for my boob.
436. The truth and meaning of animal mating.
433. Why is everyone caressing me?
432. You yelled and that's why the hoodlums stared at my truck.
431. Are you under the influence of substances?
430. I don't want to talk about your penis anymore.
424. You're going to get me wet.
422. I'm tired of your antics.
421. Do not stick my Roth's pen in his testicles.
420. If you're wondering, I'm currently not crapping, I'm wiping.
419. That's an attractive moose over there.
418. Bring me back a Palestinian.
417. You're all homosexual perverts.
416. I'm forgetting to breathe.
415. Under secretary of tire washing.
414. I'm probably the punch line anyway.
413. I was moaning in discontent, you perverts.
412. No upright mammal has hooves.
410. Does anyone have any duct tape? I want to cover my ass.
409. If I start moaning in a more masculine tone, would you leave me alone?
408. Can we just go back to naming penises and vaginas?
406. Are we doing penis or anus?
405. How come my anus remarks aren't humorous?
404. I thought we were doing penis.
403. It's not my fault he was shoving the bromine dispenser up my ass.
402. You're going to scoop me and then hit me in the face with a pillow.
400. Let me in the fucking window.
398. When I pounce of someone, I don't expect them to be laughing.
397. Why can't I ever play the fun games?
396. Why is it whatever I do, I get make fun of?
394. Turkey between the toes actually feels kinda good.
392. He hit me and it made me spill the juice off my plate.
390. If it wasn’t for the advent of tofu...
389. Why are you poking at my bread?
385. I was thinking in reference to something you would say.
384. You're lucky that was a complete waste of my time.
383. Is that a naked lady pen?
381. Why do you try to light me on fire?
377. We have to find the velvet rope.
376. Just replace the Pepsi with dildos.
375. I’m trying to educate you.
374. They’re Cornish in origin.
373. Do you have the dictionaries?
372. There’s beef in the pastries.
371. It’s also the name of Cornish beef pastries.
369. Usually you don’t have to provide the cake.
368. Like the Macarena monkeys.
367. Anyone know any bricklayers?
364. Isn’t Wiener Schnitzel a sausage?
363. It usually comes out the other end.
362. Then you just reverse the straw and suck the other way.
361. I am not the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man
359. Give me quotes or give me death!
358. Sooner or later you’re going to pull a Patrick Henry.
357. You kicked me out of the table.
356. I’m a bland kind of person.
355. Kung Pow Beef with steamed rice.
353. I was trying to insult my intelligence.
352. I don’t want to eat anything out of your thing.
351. That’s what girls say to me.
350. It didn’t confuse me it offended me.
349. Is the King and I correct?
348. I was hoping it was going to become funny.
347. I could lick out the glass.
346. I’d fall over and get killed.
345. I was trying to make a humorous picture.
344. I was going to say it more forcefully.
343. I had to go get wet for him.
342. Why is the assistant coach molesting me?
340. I’m working, don’t whip me now.
339. Amish drive-by, not my mom.
338. Innocent until proven guilty of lollygaging.
337. We have four people and three balls.
335. Once I bend over I can’t get back up.
334. Tickling me is really not necessary.
333. Does anyone else feel bloated?
332. Can I get naked in peace?
330. She’s more of a man than I am.
327. You’re not getting your balls back.
326. Retrieve like you’ve got a pair.
324. It’s not funny, it’s not sexual, what’s the point?
323. Will someone throw it with me?
320. I was talking about the poor quality of my burrito.
318. So twenty-five is silver and fifty is casket?
317. If you go to my house the party can go on.
315. It’s my term for the sex box.
314. I just have to accept the fact that I am a fat depressed loser.
313. You’d think I was high or something.
311. Am I supposed to sculpt the penis?
310. We make fun of the fat kid, talk about girls being icky, and make bodily function sounds.
308. Anyone else think I look like a male stripper?
307. I don’t want a ridge up my ass.
301. How come every time I make a noise people associate it with a pig being raped?
300. Should I go home and get my Speedo or will you folks have gallivanted off to some other place?
299. I spilt blizzard on myself.
298. Of course my mom’s not funny.
297. If you kill me you won’t get your 1000 quotes.
294. They keep cornering me and whipping me.
293. You're pointing a cue at my breast.
292. I won't use that waitress again, she laughed at me.
291. You're trying to keep your balls up.
290. It's not my fault there was something up my nose.
288. It's not quite as queer as I would have liked it to be.
287. There was some serious camel toe goin' on.
286. Come here, my attractive little Fica.
285. Shoud I start soft and then get progressively harder?
284. I'm trying to free Willy.
282. Mmm...baby goats suckling.
280. Did you just say there are cats in your pants?
279. I just want to scratch myself in peace.
278. I terrify small children.
276. That's not a very fun gameshow thing.
275. I didn't get it in the little flap dealy.
274. I just dropped a CD on my face.
273. Jiggle...jiggle...jiggle.
271. I didn't mean that in vaginal terms.
270. I ain't exactly a prize pig myself.
269. I don't want to think about Arneson's penis.
268. Quit talking about pornographic gameshows.
265. Paper would not make a good prophylactic.
263. Once again, my penis has gone permanently flat.
262. Not the dinosaur, the drunk you idiot.
261. That was a serious Barney belch
260. Your mom is pretty juicy.
259. Wouldn't that make it wet?
257. I will rumage through your belongings in the wee hours of the night.
255. White meat is where it's at.
254. My tongue won't stay in one place.
253. I should cleat you for that.
252. I'm wondering how you would look with a cleat indent on your face.
251. I actually like to survive my trips.
250. You knockin' the Top Gun anthem?
249. Where you're expecting a kick of sweet, it's just dead.
248. It's just smoking really hard.
246. Did you just say shouting or spouting?
245. Those were cardigans, not sweater vests.
244. Where the hell are the "Hi Neighbor" signs?
243. I didn't want to hit the ornamental wheelbarrow.
242. Everyone's cooler than me, dumb-shit.
241. Denny made a terrible automobile purchase.
239. It gets just right nice and tight.
237. If wasn't for the little dunkee-roo...
235. You're putting it in the little hole.
234. It's a growth inside of it.
233. Where you trying to do something that would facilitate blisters?
231. Maybe the concrete will grow.
228. It's the battle of the obese marshmallows!
227. I keep shooting the hard, long ones.
226. I wouldn't name her any sort of fruit.
224. Ooh, wow, you shocked me while I was a rock.
222. Bernard is a dignified name.
218. I'll have to say I was refering to pirates.
217. You know when the chest it small, yet plentiful?
216. I'm going to add "Poop" to my regular repertoire.
215. It's like a lap dance, but disgusting.
214. I got chased by a mongoose.
212. Cadavers aren't exactly to my liking.
209. Where do we sloppy our joes?
208. I don't exactly have a uterus.
207. Why can't I put my hand down my pants?
206. Get your pencil out of your wang.
205. I'm a disgruntled obese person.
204. Sexy-Mexy, hey, that rhymes!
203. I’m twisting both ways and pushing as hard as I can.
202. I’m not going to kiss a reindeer.
201. I’m never going to get some.
200. I lack the skill to penetrate.
198. Then in that case I’m taking a beverage.
197. What would I do without my daily dose of Michelle?
196. My little soldiers are being very effective here.
194. We can go outside and engage in various sport activities.
192. You’re going in the wormy thingy do.
190. Do I see Simpsons on a cube?
188. I have a defective thingy.
187. But there are taste buds in only one place.
186. You’re rocking the partisan.
184. Knock off the Sponge-Bob.
180. Who's all coming to my shindig?
179. I've learned to adapt to a less humorous laugh.
178. Hook me up with the orangeness.
175. Where are all the big long ones?
174. I can’t, I flop over sideways.
171. I would do it just to screw him.
170. The waves of bad attitude spread out over time.
168. Do not use my yellow paper for your foulness.
167. The rules of quoting state that I have to say it.
165. I don’t want to be stroked anymore.
164. Is your vibrate really loud?
163. I can’t get mine to squirt.
162. Stop dissing on my crease.
161. Yay, we’re all doing steroids.
160. Its like a pony keg of monkeys.
157. I have yellow sugar in my ear.
156. I was brutely attacked by a Peep.
155. It was made in a jovial manner
154. You are sort of a lowbrow individual.
153. To my generation, you are Eli.
152. A dial up modem, that dates me.
151. That's the one benefit to being a heavy character
150. You can tell from the pattern that it's unnaturally symmetric.
149. It's the size of a medium caliber bullet.
148. It's the size of a type one phaser
146. It got up and then it got floppy real quick.
145. I do not have the body part that that would require.
144. Of course I’m not sexually appealing you dumb ass.
143. The freedom of motion is greater than most pullover do-hickeys.
142. I don’t have a container that’s big enough to hold a rolled burrito.
140. Wouldn't it be funny to see a pole vaulting walrus?
139. That was a legitimate tap dance conversation.
138. You're distracting me from my math.
137. Not that type of secretary you bitch.
134. I do not want to eat your genitals.
133. Eat pictures of cheap seafood.
132. A post is a large metallic rod.
131. I pounded a lot of posts.
130. My pants are worn where all the cool people wear them.
129. You asshole, that was solely for your enjoyment.
128. Its bigger than my jublees.
127. I am already my own Casanova.
126. I believe that's Philomath your talking about.
125. I've got this pillow in blue.
124. I try to pick up chicks in the produce section.
123. I'd like to stuff your mom.
122. I'm not beeping, it's obviously the clock.
121. We are all alcoholics on fire.
120. You just want to clamp them on to my nipples.
119. Warren, that’s a serious faux pa.
118. Hands down it’s all about the coke shot.
117. What's with you guys and loitering?
116. They're all a bunch of cheese making surrender monkeys.
115. Going to war without France is like going to a Texas BBQ without a croissant.
114. I'm not a pregnant walrus.
113. Adam was huffing pine trees.
112. It's clearly a decal and not a sticker because the decal is removable.
111. Did they just get the decal, or did they just put it up for the sake of looking important?
110. There's more than one corporation that makes brown paper sacks.
106. My breasts are not meant to be groped by the others.
105. I was making a reference to his genital.
104. I don't suck anything hard.
101. I'm Ben. Do you think I would care if I get Ben drool on me?
100. I do not have a menstrual cycle.
99. I’m ready for someone to catch.
98. My inner child is not enraged.
97. We don’t have an island and it’s a vacupan.
96. My doctor says that I have the cough of a forty-year-old.
95. Why do you like to think about my parents having sex?
94. Do you have a derogatory name for all of my clothing?
90. Do my nipples have a sign on them that say 'please pinch'?
89. I do not have sex with doughnuts
87. God damn it, my mother made a charitable donation in my name.
85. They’re not hip, but they keep the sun out of my eyes.
81. Do the big Queen Amadala dot thingy.
80. Hey I look ‘cool’ with my shirt untucked.
78. What’s an appropriate tool to mark the mirror?
77. Anybody got any cold cream?
76. It’s all about the appearance of the stripping.
75. That’s why you always use both hands while drilling.
74. Isn’t a drill a power tool?
73. I’ll just borrow some mascara.
72. You have to admit that is pretty interesting with the half-white and half-white.
70. I have a hole in my boxers.
69. You should teach me how to shimmy.
68. I don’t suck as much as I used to.
67. He looks like a census taker.
66. Should we make a sensual implication?
62. Your butt kissing is rather apparent.
61. It upsets me when you quote me with poor grammar.
59. Do you think she would feel it if I poked her?
58. You just want to pinch my bosoms.
57. Does anyone watch Brik shimmy?
56. Now we know who the real master is here.
55. Maybe I’m from North Dakota.
54. I don’t appreciate her defaming people who make good business decisions.
52. And now I have lost my state of mind.
51. There are no steps involved with being a thespian.
50. How is half the shit I say funny?
49. So I get in trouble for what these two yokels are doing?
48. Does anybody else think that Joe Walsh sounds like Kermit the Frog?
46. I bought you baking powder.
45. I’m guessing it’s not a seafaring vessel.
44. Is it just me or do the benches propagate?
42. Is this Clapton covering Cream or Cream covering Clapton?
41. I don’t care what you call this carbonated beverage.
40. Is that another synonym for a Rocky Mountain Oyster?
38. The only thing worse than drunks are Mormons.
37. I do not sound like a duck.
35. Towels usually come in rectangles.
34. I don’t want you to wipe my burrito all over your binder.
33. I should cover my butt in deodorant.
32. I was thinking on the fly.
31. I need to fake some journal entries.
30. I was using ‘camel toe’ correctly, right?
29. Box is a synonym for vagina.
26. Why are you kicking my groin?
25. No one in the picture has a camel toe, you all have penises not vaginas.
24. I need to cream cheese my bagel.
23. I am not referring to marijuana filled pastry.
22. I don’t appreciate my throat being jumped on.
19. There is something up my butt but I don’t want to know what it is.
18. I do not want to know how turtles have sex.
16. I need to improve the quality of my wood.
14. It is easily characterized by ear size.
13. Evan, keep your shadow away from my penis.
11. If it really matters I’m not circumcised.
9. My pergola has a shade cloth on it to keep the sitting area comfortable.
7. My mom does not have hooves.
6. Oh no! I’m out of legal pad paper.
5. There’s an apple growing out of my armpit.
4. It’s the Irish equivalent of Jumbalya.
Frau Quotes
Warren Quotes
Woods Quotes